P's Poetry

Check out some of Pauley P's writing at www.pauleyp.itgo.com

That's her in the picture... not that you probably didn't figure that out already.

One of my personal favorites is War Drobe.

I can really relate to that one, and it sounds like something i've always wanted to write, but could never find the words.

So yeah, give her a read and, if you like what you see, then check out her official blog. You'll find hours and hours and hours of reading that will challenge your mind and soul.
www.pauleyp.com

Not only is she gorgeous (i mean, look at those eyes! and perfect pouty lips, and... ok i'll shut up), but she's ...real, and inspiring, and... fabulous.
(although i don't think people tell her that often enough! Every time I read anything by her I just want to reach out and give her a big hug!)


Do you ever wonder if anyones even reading this thing anyway?

I do.

P.S. Pauley, if you're reading this, I hope you don't mind me posting your sites and pics here! PLEASE let me know if you have any problem with anything on here and i'll remove it, I promise!

P.P.S. Who am I kidding? As if she has time to waste reading tripe like this!

P.P.P.S. Although i'd be really happy if she did! :)

Dwelling in this dwelling

Been dwelling on a dream that will not be.
forgetting what i'm supposed to believe
Was it my fault? Was it yours?
Neither. It was ours.

It was mine, but it was yours too.
Will you never hurt like me
because of what I will not be?
And if you did would you even let me see?

I wanted; you accepted.
I grieved; you breathed,
A sigh of relief,
And I re-live every day....
every day.

I will never forget what was going to be
I will never forget what it meant to me
to us
to be 'us'
But it won't be 'us'
It'll just be me.
I will do the silent suffering.

-SR.

And this pretty kitty is Ginny! Read the 'about me'
section for more on......my cat, who is undoubtedly
more fascinating than I.

My mother named me SoniaRose when I was born.
It wasn't until I was 3 that we found out that I have my own Rose.
SoniaRose

Okay, so who LOVED the outfit on Abby last night? Gotta love the plaid-school-girl-mini-skirt-yet-distinctly-Abby-Goth look. Oh, and the boots were just sooo perfectly loud, it was awesome.

Oh, and the pig-tails of course... my boyfriends personal favorite!

This isn't exactly what she was wearing last night... but close!

I think Gibbs should change the rules and make it mandatory for her to wear a skirt every shift. Oh, and spend more time on camera!

Not that Gibbs or Abby are even realy people.. but.. you know what i mean.

That's all really.

The Brighter Side...?

I'm having a hard time seeing the brighter side of what has transpired in the past month. On December 20th I started having a miscarriage. I knew something was wrong first thing in the morning when I went to the bathroom (i'll spare you the details) and went right to the doctor's office with my boyfriend. The doctor was, once again, unable to find a heartbeat with the doppler device so he sent me for an emergency ultra sound.

At least I got to see my baby once...
she was so tiny...
(I say she because as soon as I saw the image on the screen, i just...knew it was a girl)
... just a small little blob, a little bigger than a grain of rice..
...nowhere near the 10weeks development it should have been at.
...The baby had stopped developping at 6 weeks 3 days.
...There was no heartbeat...
... no movement.
It broke my heart.
I went straight to my mother's house, and broke down in her arms.

The next 3 days were the most agonizing, and uncomfortable days I have ever experienced. The pain was so unbearable by the 3rd day that I drove myself to the emergency room. This was the day before Christmas Eve.

6 hours, and one operation later, I was on my way home.
Home to my boyfriend, who loves me so much, and took such good care of me, and to my cat who knew something was wrong, and watched over my like a hawk for about a week.

And then....the clouds lifted I guess you could say...the grief was replaced with the hope of another chance...the sadness was replaced with the joy that I felt when my family welcomed my boyfried into their homes over christmas (something that was unheard of before).

The end of a long dark tunnel was finally in sight.

I still have to make a decision every day not to let myself be depressed, or sad, but to keep on moving, and breathing, and knowing that it is not the end of my world.

My world still contains the rest of my family, and the man that I love, and the possibilty of another baby in the future.

And that's a world I can live in.